Revise the first body paragraph according to feedback I provided and work the second body paragraph

Body Paragraph 1

Topic Sentence [ Very general, connect to thesis]

Major Support 1 (Directly hold up the idea in the topic sentence) (1)

Minor support (Data, explanation, quotes) (2)

Major support 2 (1)

Minor support 1 (2)

Conclusion/ wrap-up

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Body Paragraph 2

Topic Sentence [ Very general, connect to thesis]

Major Support 1 (Directly hold up the idea in the topic sentence) (1)

Minor support (Data, explanation, quotes) (2)

Major support 2 (1)

Minor support 1 (2)

Conclusion/ wrap-up

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