Need help fixing my letter of intent

My Letter of Intent is below theses Instructions. I made some changes below, but I need some help reworking paragraphs 5 through 9.   There is too much of an emphasis on academic terminology (educational speak) related to the skills I have gained from my Psychology coursework.  My primary audience is the leadership team of Pacific High School (Principal & Vice Principals). They know me (I’ve worked with them for a month then resigned), and they know counseling.  Counseling is about connecting with the kids in profound and meaningful ways.  It’s about inspiring students to see their best selves even when life circumstances seemingly force them to bring out their absolute worst.  It’s about helping kids gain perspectives and see their future as one filled with possibility and success.  It’s about getting kids to dream big.  Once you’ve done that, it’s about giving students a real-world plan to help them take steps towards achieving their goals.  Focus on this.  This is what counseling is truly about.  Remove the paragraphs that talk about teachers, curriculum, instruction, and assessment.  It detracts from the focus of the counseling role.  Keep the focus on the heart of counseling.  I am a mother of two toddlers, so try to use this also to add some meaningful credibility.  Also, you need to ask for a “second chance”.  Why should the leadership team take another chance on you?  What guarantees can be made if we decide to invest in you a second time around?  These are the questions that will be swirling through the principal’s mind as she reads your letter.  Give me something to work with, so I can convince her that I am her best option.  

Letter of Intent:

I am seeking a position as a High School counselor with the Public School System.  On November of last year, I resigned from Pacific High School due to personal and family circumstances, which left me with a tough decision to leave home.  I am currently resettling back home and am determined to continue my dream to serve as an educational counseling professional with the Public School System.  Specifically, I would like to serve at Pacific High School.

Although I had only spent a month with Pacific High School, I enjoyed helping students with their academic and social-emotional needs and loved working with the leadership, faculty, and staff.  I felt a sense of professional accomplishment even during my short stay.  If it were not for the trying personal and family matters, I would still be serving at Pacific High School.

I enjoyed contributing to the student successes.  I want to strengthen my still as a guidance counselor, supporting students through their challenges and teaching them the value of education.  I want to join the Pacific High School family in driving students to grow and push for higher education and career pathways. 

I see the importance of doing my part in ensuring that the students have the full encouragement and means necessary to fulfill their dreams of success. Mentoring and advising students through life’s challenges and difficulties as well as helping to shape their future is a great passion of mine.  I have two children, so my expectation is that I give students in my care the same guidance that I would want my kids to receive.

I have completed my Master of Science degree in Psychology. My training and education qualify me to assist students with a variety of issues surrounding academic, psychological and social problems. I have completed a course in Educational Psychology, where I have learned to examine the variables related to teaching and learning to understand how psychologists contribute to teacher effectiveness, student motivation, and overall academic achievement. 

I have also learned to assess teaching methods, learning environments, curriculum development, educational achievement, and characteristics of teachers and learners. I have also explored educational assessment, environmental issues, and educational research techniques. I have the ability to work with students in groups or with individuals. I have the training needed to provide advice and help students make the best decisions for their future.

I have the ability to work with the parents of these children to help them understand what their child is going through and to learn ways to help their kids deal with these issues. I have taken a course in Lifespan Development where I have gained an advanced overview of human development through the lifespan, including prenatal, childhood, adolescent, adult, and late-adult phases. I am able to examine and apply basic processes and theories to developmental milestones that occur within these phases of development. As well as, explore factors of heredity and environmental elements on human development, and consider ethical issues, research considerations, and global perspectives while assessing strategies to promote optimal development. 

I have the skills to communicate with students to get them to open up about the problems they are facing in addition to outstanding problem-solving and active listening skills. I have taken coursework in Culture and Psychology and Social Psychology, where I have gained knowledge on the topics of perceptions, attitudes, relationships and attraction, the motivation to help others, prejudice and aggression, conformity and obedience, group behavior, and the influence of culture, and how these can be used to effect positive social change. I am prepared to handle the emergencies and personal crisis that arise with this position. 

I am also familiar with and have the ability to perform the administrative duties required by this post having a vast array of experience in the administrative department.  This includes administering vocational and aptitude tests, supervising standardized testing and ensuring students have the necessary courses.

As outlined above, my dedication to the field of education and more specifically, school counseling is both proven and strong. 

I believe you will discover my warm personality, strong communication skills, and maturity to be of keen interest.  I am overjoyed at the possibility to support parents, students, and teachers as a school counselor. I look forward excitedly with gratitude and dedication to serving.  Thank you for your time and consideration.